just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
