I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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