The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My friends, they love my intelligence
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
