Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
