Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
