i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
