I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
