im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
