Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
