What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
