I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
