I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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