I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
