Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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