I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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