ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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