Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
