sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
