it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
