Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just sucked dick on a ferry
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
