At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
