He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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