I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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