how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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