so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
