Acid is not a monday night drug
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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