i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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