Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Randomize
