she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
