did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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