This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
