If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Someone shattered a urinal.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
