I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
