Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
