I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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