I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
