I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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