Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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