I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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