We won't sleep together?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am one with the molecules
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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