Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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