I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
