it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
