i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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