3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Found the puke drawer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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