This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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