You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
