just tell him i said nine months
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
