My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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