like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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